So Michael Jackson is dead and the tributes pour in for a man who is one of the most famous pop stars of all time and one of the most famous paedophiles. A true definition of the word dicotomy. I can’t think of anyone who has touched people at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum as Jackson has. Love him or hate him you can’t ignore him.

I’m no fan of his, but I know all his songs. I spent a whole  hour long meeting at work recently with a couple of colleagues trying to fit as many Jackson song titles as we could into the meeting without our manager noticing. We managed 15. His music obviously touched millions of people, but in reality apart from the original soul aspects of the Jackson 5 and “Off The Wall” he produced nothing more than gimmicky pop songs for the MTV generation. While I can’t deny the impact of Thriller, listen to without the videos and it doesn’t even come close to “Off The Wall” with the possible exception of “Billie Jean”. He was of his time and a magnificent user of the media available to him, was he a great musician? No, he had great producer and a good voice and made the most of it. I will accept the “King Of Pop” sobriquet, as long as it remains pop where his challengers were Hanson, Huey Lewis and Back Street Boys. He was no Hendrix or James Brown or even Smokey Robinson. Lots of people brought his records but that’s because he knew how to sell them. Lots of people buy Pepsi but it ain’t the best drink ever made is it?

The well documented dark side of Jackson is interesting because he was never actually found guilty of child molestation, although Jordy Chandler wasn’t paid off because he was lying as he? Apart from the most avid fans which of us can’t imagine this man child finding himself in an uncompromising situation with one of his young male freinds. I don’t think he was evil, but I don’t think he was innocent either. He knew what he did was wrong but it would appear that he didn’t quite belive it. What he found natural just happened to break the law. His fame and presence probably insured that his young victims wouldn’t view his innaproprite behaviour as wrong, “it’s Michael Jackson, it must be ok”. Well no Mikey actually it wasn’t and  I certainly wouldn’t have wanted him anywhere near my children.

I believe his early days with his brutal father and the complete loss of a normal child hood led to his obvious psycological problems and his increasingly weird and unnatural behaiviour. His use of the media turned on him and he could never turn it back on his side. Ultimately he touched people with his music and children with his hands. One will never escape the other and Jacksons legend will grow after his death as stories emerge and conspiracies escalate. He is a true icon and will always be remembered but as the text jokes multiply and line the pockets of the mobile phone companies read what they focus on, it isn’t his music. The King of Pop is dead and he will be mourned, the Paedophile Prince has gone too and he won’t be missed.


New Boots and Panties

“Arseholes, bastards, fucking cunts and pricks” screamed Ian Dury in  the opening line of “Plaistow Patricia” from his superb debut album “New Boots and Panties” in 1977. Was anyone offended? I don’t know, I certainly wasn’t as a 12 year old boy listening in my bedroom and turning it down so my mum couldn’t hear. Now she would have been offended but she would never have listened to Ian Dury and to my knowledge Engelbert Humperdinck never swore on any of his albums so no harm done there. That dear reader is the point, the current wave of poor souls complaining to anyone that will listen that they have been offended by what they have seen and heard needs to stop. There is a time to be offended and time to mind your own business.

The analagy I want to use is this. If I heard Gethin Jones say “fuck” on Blue Peter I would be offended. There is obviously no place for swearing on childrens television. Now, if Gethin was on “Friday Night With Jonathan Ross” and he said “fuck” I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Everyone says “fuck” on “Jonathan Ross” I know what to expect. My wife has chosen not to watch Ross because she finds him offensive, choice put into action.

Which brings me to the the infamous Ross/Brand/Sachs incident. What they did was infantile but not offensive in my view but I would choose to listen to Ross and Brand and know what to expect. There were virtually no complaints at the time it went to air and they only started pouring in when people who would never listen to Ross and Brand read about it in the press. They have no right to be offended by the report of an incident that was not intended for their ears. My 79 year old mum listens to Terry Wogan on Radio 2 because she knows what to expect, she would never listen to Ross or Brand because it’s not for her and she knows it, simple. If Terry said “I hope all my listeners over 70 die painful deaths this week” my Mum would be offended and rightly so, if Russell Brand said it she would neither know about it nor care. She loves Paul O’Grady even though he’s “one of them” (my Mum’s words) he’s perfectly safe at 5pm on Channel 4. My Mum would never watch O’Grady as Lily Savage therefore would never be offended by O’Grady’s alter ego, not her business. 

The recent furuore over Carol Thatchers “golliwog” comment, said in private, is ridiculous. I can be racist, homphobic, ageist and sexist in equal measure in my own home mostly without meaning it or really thinking it. Hand on heart who isn’t? Honestly? But I know in public where to draw the line, I know not to offend and I know that if I told an innapropriate joke in the wrong company then I deserve all the vilification that would come my way.

The Dail Mail reported today that on QI comedienne Jo Brand likened Margaret Thatchers name change to Lady Thatcher to a feminine shaving device . That is funny, approprite for the show and completely inoffensive. It has become offensive to those who will now complain because The Mail have brought it to their attention. When I have finished this post I will complain to the press authorities about the Mail persistantly telling me about things I wasn’t meant to hear. I hope you all join me.

In conclusion, if you know you don’t like something or someone, excercise your right not to watch or listen. If you enjoy Last of The Summer Wine on a Sunday night and Russ Abbott is shown full frontally naked, excercise your right to complain. If you read about something in the press that wasn’t intended for you, excercise your right to mind your own business.

As a footnote New Boots and Panties was re-issued as a tribute album a few years ago. Shane MacGowan performed an excellant version of Plaistow Patricia and Robbie Williams performed Sweet Gene Vincent. I’ve often wondered how many parents of young Robbie fans bought the album only to hear “arseholes, bastards, fucking cunts and pricks blaring out of the family stereo. Would they have the right to be offended?

Go to fullsize image 

Well, just when you thought this story and the dreadful McCann’s couldn’t get any worse, guess what? It did. When I wrote my first post on this story Madeleine McCann: A Parents View the furore surrounding Kate and Gerry McCann prompted many people, me included, to believe that they had some part to play in their daughters disappearance. I still belive this to be the case. At worst they are murderers at best they are guilty of negligence as parents and gross misconduct during the media circus that followed.

This mornings newspaper headlines concerning this whole sordid story being sold off to the highest bidder on American TV quite frankly beggar belief. I’ve had a look on E-bay and at least they haven’t stooped so low as to auction their daughters memory among 2nd hand cars and cheap electronic imports from the far east. They have however gone on the hunt for the yankee dollar sparking a media frenzy across the atlantic to match the current presidential campaign.

Oprah Winfrey the biggest TV personality in the states is apparently paying £1 million to the McCanns for an interview. I hope she grills them, I hope the sad Kate and obnoxious Gerry are vilified by this incredibly streetwise, sassy and manipulative TV monster. Oprah will do anything to maintain her position and some of her shows stretch credibilty beyond belief. A broken Kate McCann confessing to her part in her daughters disappearance while her evil husband finally gets his comeuppance on live US TV is what Oprah will be after. She will gain their confidence then hit them between the eyes before they know it. She’s taken on the US legal system and won single handed, 2 British doctors after a quick buck will be no challenge to the Queen of US daytime.

The McCanns greed and that is what this is all about, greed, will be their downfall. As a parent I still cannott beleive that these two highly educated people want to traipse to the other side of the world while their world has supposedly fallen apart. If they believe as they claim that Maddy is still alive then they would find it hard to leave their house never mind the country. They have lost one child through negligence, where will the twins be when their travelling circus reaches Hollywood? Maddy The Movie? Let’s pitch it to Pixar while we’re here.

I’m starting to have some sympathy for Kate as she looks like a woman on the edge maybe ready to release whatever burden is on her mind. The evil, cold and apparently heartless Gerry just has a look in his eye all too familiar in men of his type. He knows the truth but his arrogance has convinced him he can take anyone on. Let’s hope for Madeleines sake Oprah turns out to be his nemesis.

The end to this story we all want is for Maddy to return safe and unharmed, if that isn’t possible then let us hope and pray that in the land of the free the truth is discovered. The McCanns are walking into Oprahs web and this black widow will not let her victims wriggle free.

Just in case you’re passing this way and haven’t seen this yet. This guy managed to get a copy of it on his blog, all credit to him. Everyone should see this. Click on link below



 And Todays Problem Is….. can reveal exclusively today that The Stig, test driver on BBC2’s Top Gear is in fact drummer of 60’s boy band and TV stars The Monkees, Mickey Dolenz.

Evidence has come to light that presenters Richard “Davy Jones” Hammond, Jeremy “Mike Nesmith” Clarkson and James”Peter Tork” May are in fact the other three Monkees. Dolenz prefers anonymity and spends all his time in the white jump suit and helmet that have become The Stigs uniform. It appears they have been living in England since the break up of the Monkees and as our photographic evidence proves beyond doubt they have found moderate success again presenting the petrol heads favourite TV hour.


We are waiting for official confirmation from the men themselves and will bring you up to date as soon as we receive any news. In the meantime for those of you who prefer to remember them as fun loving musicians not the broken husks of mid life crisis they have become I have included a video of “Pleasant Valley Sunday” as a reminder of better times.

So it appears that Kate and Gerry McCann may be involved in the death / disappearance of their 4 year old daughter Madeleine. My thoughts since the day it was announced that Madeleine was missing were simply for a 4 year old girl lost and on her own in a foreign country. As a father of 4 boys it broke my heart that any child could be scared, alone or being harmed by some desperate paedophile, it would almost be a releif if she were dead. Dear God I hoped she wasn’t suffering. Yes it was negligent to leave a young family alone in a foreign country while enjoying an evening meal, but that could be dealt with later.

Then something changed, her parents appeared on tv for the first time and I immediately said to my wife “there’s something not right about him”. Gerry McCanns whole demeanour was wrong for a father in that situation. Any parent will tell you that if you didn’t know where your child was , suspected of being abducted you COULD NOT appear as calm and unaffected as Gerry McCann, Kate McCann was obviously distraught and showed all the expected signs of a mother in that situation.

The media circus that then erupted was suddenly all about Kate and Gerry. Kate and Gerry walk to the beach, Kate and Gerry being interviewed again, Kate and Gerry start to campaign, Kate and Gerry go on a media tour, Kate and Gerry meet the pope, Kate and Gerry raise 1.5 million pounds. Excuse me for spoiling the fun but what about Madeleine.  As parents you COULD NOT organise a campaign like that knowing your 4 year old daughter was missing. Good god he was also captured kissing a child on the head on some public walkabout. Who does he think he is?

Where were the McCanns twins during this whirlwind? With childminders, family, freinds? They had lost there big sister and now their mum and dad were never there. As parents of a missing child you COULD NOT leave your other childrens side for a second in these circumstances.

The British press jumped on the bandwagon, ridiculing the Portuguese Police as half wits unable to deal with a case of this magnitude. Well it looks like they were  dealling with it just fine. I guess they knew from very early on in the investigation but evidence was the key. These are professional men as competent as our own wonderful force (remember Jean Charles  de Menezes). British misplaced Empire arrogance again , Johnny Foreigner just isn’t as good as us.

Apologies to Arthur Conan Doyle but Sherlock Holmes would say something like “when every possibility has been disproved whatever is left however unlikely must be true”. Therein lies the horrid truth that middle class, professional, educated, Brits could harm there own child. I hope and pray that justice for Madeleine however unpalatable is found. My own opinion matches that currently being promoted by the Portuguese press that all 3 children were sedated by the McCanns before their night on the town and that Madeleine was inadvertantly overdosed and was killed accidently by her parents. What has happened since is a disgusting attempt I feel driven by Gerry McCann to cover their tracks, a giant media driven smokescreen that blinded everyone except the dilligent Portuguese police who kept their eyes peeled while the smoke cleared.

The devastsing loss of a young child and the impact it has had on the world will hopefully refocus some parents on the importance of being parents, none of us are perfect but we owe it to our children to be there for them ALWAYS. Our children must come first, we chose to have children and as parents we must accept the absolute responsibility it brings.

No I don’t feel sorry for Kate and Gerry McCann I feel sorry for a little girl deserted by her parents for a night out, a little girl whose life is almost certainly lost. Madeleine will always be in our thoughts, her parents deserve nothing but the contempt coming their way. I just hope that the suspicious Gerry McCann doesn’t pass the whole blame onto the truly devastated and vulnerable Kate. There was even a smug look to camera as he walked into the police station for his interview today, he’s just not right.

God bless Madeleine.


Surfing around the hundreds of thousands of blogs that are out there I am fascinated by how much some people are willing to share with complete strangers. I am very self concious that people know my name, sharing the fact that I am Dave Ross makes me feel slightly vulnerable. Now there are thousands of Dave Ross’s out there and I am just one of them there is no way anyone could find me or know who I am but you already know my name. I speak to people via comments etc. and they start to learn a litle bit more about you all the time peeling off another layer of your identity. Yes I am a little paranoid but also a little intrigued.

There are others out there who want to share everything and I admit I am drawn to this. We’re living in an age of celebrity where nothing is hidden, we know and have seen all we need to know of The Beckhams, Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson and the like. Blogging allows ordinary people to self promote, to offer their lives for public consumption. Who they are, what they like, what they do, what they look like and where they are. Information is shared with anyone who happens to key in the right “tag” or phrase in Google. Voyeurs like me lap it up, I’m a man I love the football blogs, the music blogs, the ranters and the pious but show me a blog that tells me about someones real life and I’m hooked.

I’ll remain a miserable, anonymous old git and only expose my slightly old fashioned views and my name. The rest of you can keep me entertained with your daily life. This is reality TV without the ads, or the TV. Tell me more I’ll be be watching.