Is Robert Mugabe the only world leader who hopes oil is never found in their country? In my new role as cheif Zimbabwe correspondent, Todays Problem Is reports…………..

OIL FOUND ON HARARE HOMESTEAD

News has reached us that a major oil strike has taken place in a downton Harare homestead. Farmer Solomon Bingo, was digging in his yard when he struck black gold. He told me in a secret interview “It was amazing, we can’t afford to flush our toilet anymore so I was digging out a new crapper in the back yard when whoosh I was covered in a black sticky mess. I called my wife and she told me I was a stupid bastard and not to walk that mess through the house. Anyway my mate Dispy Congo told me it’s oil you dickhead and I thought fuck me, what if Mugabe finds out I’m a dead rich man”

Early reports claim Mr Mugabe has denied these reports saying “There is no oil in Zimbabwe, these rumours are an attempt to distabilise my glorious country”.

George Bush has made a statement in which he has said, “The war against terror has no boundaries and our special services have been watching Mr Mugabe for some time and have evidence that he his hiding Osama Bin Laden, employing him as a gardener in one of his mansions. We will immediately despatch 10000 troops and will remove this harbourer of terrorists with immediate effect. I have always believed Zimbabwe was behind 9/11 and this news confirms my suspicions” off camera Todays Problem Is Washington reporter overheard Mr Bush saying “Daddy won’t belive it, I’m gonna get him more oil, where there’s muck there’s brass and guns and death and destruction and me, ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha”

Dave Ross

Zimbabwe